You know how life becomes? You find yourself living on the weekends (if you can call it living), your life is now all about Monday to Friday. There are books on the shelf waiting to be read and the ink in the pen dries. The pages of the diary turn yellow and the receipts of your purchases fade away.
The small white empty paper in the drawer is from one of those machines you’d use at the metro stations for Rs 20. They would measure height and weight. It is funny that they fade.
Maa says it gets extremely quiet in the evening around 6:30. It does get very quiet, scary quiet. It reminds me of this time more than 10 years ago. When the winters would arrive I’d find myself sitting on the cold iron bench. Above the sky would get dark and you could see bats, very large bats flying (they would go towards the right). They would do this every night and I’d wonder where they go. Where does one go?
Have you ever been anxious? Yes yes, everyone experiences anxiety. But imagine going through a medical test where you know if you perform badly you’ll have consequences that will last for a lifetime. It is almost that you want to perform very well so that you can avoid being diagnosed with something that has the power to ruin you. You want to trick the system, the machine. You want to avoid being told the bad news.
And then there are times, hours, days, and even years when you just sit back and allow things to hit you (not literally) but you get what I mean right? You kind of allow yourself to feel? To feel bad, hurt, happy, sad, or whatever emotions you have. And then you get better, or you hit a new low. I’d say there is no escape.
Thanks for reading. I’ve been thinking of starting to post the most random of stuff and just write. You know it helps sometimes?