The skin of my hand is peeling off but it doesn’t hurt anymore. I remember keeping my hand under running water for a long time and I was staring at the window above the sink. This burn reminded me of my early years. I would be on the bike with my brothers and my foot would touch the silencer which would be burning hot. The spot would usually form a scab and it would go away in time and the whole cycle would repeat and another burn.
I felt numb for a long time not because it was so shocking. I have reasons to believe that I was lost which led to all this. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore. The hand was red now and I kept it underwater simply because I knew nothing better to do. Remember to keep it under running normal water and not cold water taken from the refrigerator.
Most of the days go in a similar blur. Me trying to make sense of this and that and then letting it all go. Trying to make myself better and selling myself at different times in life. It is tiring if you ask me and if you ask yourself but it never stops. Does it? Maybe that is why some people simply give up. It makes sense to me.
So I closed the tap and got back to work.
Otherwise, my status would show me away and I don’t want that. You cannot be away when you are at home all the time.
The television in the background doesn’t disturb me so much anymore. I tune it out naturally. The hand feels traumatized and is red and in pain but I ignore it. Maybe I even love it. It makes me feel so alive and I am not scared which is shocking. After some time things stop having the effect they would have on you. But then again I had been in a conundrum for over 10 days which had drained me out very well and hence the cause of numbness.
When it rains I usually stand at the window or take a chair and stare at the rain cleaning everything up. And then my eyes would wander to the spots on the ceiling where the water would form patches and in another room it would start dripping. Drop by drop rain would find its way inside the house. Small puddles on the old marble floor.
When the rain stops I would open the windows and expect cold/pleasant winds but that doesn’t happen. It usually gets very still after the rain. But the street would have so much water and people would continue to move and go from here to there.
I must stop here and go back to work and get things done.
Until next time! Enjoy this short video of water at the gate and the sounds of the birds.